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الرئيسية » مدونات الشرق » عبد الرحمن يوسف يكتب : نصائح ميكافيللي إلى سيسي

عبد الرحمن يوسف يكتب : نصائح ميكافيللي إلى سيسي

في ليلة ليلاء … أمسكت كتاب (الأمير) لـ”نيكولا ميكافيللي” ووضعته إلى جوار كتاب (طبائع الاستبداد ومصارع الاستعباد) للمفكر العربي المغدور به “عبدالرحمن الكواكبي” … ثم أشرت إلى كتاب الأمير … وقلت لمن حضروا : (هذا هو السم … والكتاب الثاني هو الترياق) !

أتخيل اليوم … لو أن “ميكافيللي” و”الكواكبي” قابلا عبدالفتاح “سيسي” رئيس جمهورية الأمر الواقع في مصر … فبماذا سينصحه كل منهما؟

لنر سويا !

دخل الجنرال إلى بهو القصر … ينظر للسقف كعادته !

يحاول أن يحتفظ بنظارته الشمسية التي خُيِّلَ له أنها تعطيه وقارا وغموضا، ولكنه لم يستطع، فإضاءة القصر ضعيفة، ولا تحتمل نظارة شمسية.

“ميكافيللي” جالس في حجرة واسعة، إضاءتها أفضل من البهو، وحين دخل الجنرال لم يقم له، بل أشار له أن اجلس، ثم قال له :

أنا أعلم من أنت … وأعلم كل ما فعلته منذ التحاقك بالكلية العسكرية مرورا بدراستك في أمريكا وصولا إلى دخولك المجلس العسكري ثم توليك مقاليد الحكم في بلدك.

هدفي من النصائح هو تحقيق هدفك الأعلى في الحياة وهو أن تستمر في حكم مصر مهما كان الثمن، وهذه النصائح سأقدمها لك بمنطق المنفعة، بغض النظر عن أي مرجعية أخلاقية، وأنا أعلم جيدا أن مسألة الأخلاق لا علاقة لها بتصرفات شخص مثلك.

الملاحظ أنك بدأت حكمك يوم 3 يوليو 2013 بظهير شعبي ضخم، وبتأييد إقليمي كبير، وتنسيق دولي قوي مع بعض الدول، ومتوسط مع دول أخرى … (قوي مع إسرائيل وروسيا وبعض الدول العربية، ومتوسط مع الولايات المتحدة الأمريكية وأوروبا).

الآن … تآكل ظهيرك الشعبي بشكل شبه كامل، وخسرت التأييد الإقليمي إلى حد ما، وتنسيقك الدولي متعثر بسبب سوء إدارتك، وقلة كفاءتك، وانعدام خبرتك.

والحقيقة إن خسارتك لكل ذلك في تلك الفترة الزمنية القصيرة يعتبر معجزة في حد ذاته !

حاول “سيسي” أن يدافع عن نفسه قائلا : (يا افندم أهل الشر كانوا دايما …)

أشار “ميكافيللي” بيديه بعصبية ثم قال :

هذا الكلام تقوله في التلفاز للبسطاء … أنا لست عبيطا لكي تقول لي هذا الكلام !

استمع لنصائحي بهدوء ثم انصرف … نحن لسنا هنا لنتناقش في أي شيء، لقد دفعت ثمن الاستشارة خذها ثم ارحل وإياك أن تهين ذكائي !

“سيسي” : حاضر يا أستاذ “ميكافيللي” … حاضر

يرد عليه بعصبية … أنا لورد … مش أستاذ … لعن الله من فهمك أن الناس إما لواء وإما أستاذ !

“سيسي” : حاضر يا باشا

“ميكافيللي” : لورد … باشا دي بقت دلع لكلمة لواء برضه … افهم !

“سيسي” : حاضر … حاضر يا لورد

“ميكافيللي” : النصيحة الأولى :

هناك اختراع ظهر في عصركم اسمه الطائرة الهليكوبتر، وهو اختراع رائع وعظيم، وأنا أنصحك أن تحتفظ في أي مكان تذهب إليه — حتى ولو لفترة قصيرة — بطائرة هليكوبتر على أهبة الاستعداد، وأن يكون مكان الطائرة لا يبعد عنك أكثر من عشر دقائق على أقصى تقدير.

“سيسي” : ليه حضرتك بتقول كده؟

“ميكافيللي” : هذا سيسهل هروبك يا جنرال … الملفات التي قدمتها لي تقول إن كل شيء وارد وفي أي لحظة

“سيسي” : طيب … أنا عندي سفرية لروسيا الشهر الجاي … هل آخد معايا هليكوبتر برضه؟

“ميكافيللي” : هذا سؤال شديد الغباء يا جنرال !

الهدف من الطائرة أن تهرب للخارج … فلماذا تأخذ الطائرة وأنت في الخارج؟

عموما … بالنسبة لسفرية روسيا … هذه نصيحتي الثانية :

لا تغادر البلد هذه الأيام !

صرخ “سيسي” ببلاهة : ليه؟؟؟ حايحصل حاجة؟؟؟ قل لي الله يكرمك !!!

“ميكافيللي” : افهم يا جنرال … أنا مستشار سياسي مش عرّاف !

الوضع الداخلي يقول إن التخلص منك أصبح مطلبا ملحا، ولا بد من الحذر، وعدم وجودك داخل حدود الدولة فرصة مناسبة للتخلص منك.

“سيسي” : معقول؟ بعد كل ما فعلته لهم؟

“ميكافيللي” : لكنك ورطتهم في أمور لا يطيقها أحد يا جنرال … أنا أستغرب من أنهم ما زالوا محتفظين بك حتى الآن أصلا … لو طلبوا نصيحتي لنصحتهم بالتخلص منك منذ عام 2014 ولكن من الواضح أن خيالهم فقير جدا … لقد تأكدت من ذلك بعد لقائك …!

“سيسي” يبتسم ويظن أنه يمدح : شكرا لحضرتك يا أستاذ “ميكللي”

“ميكافيللي” : اسمي اللورد “ميكافيللي” … وقسما عظما لو غلطت فيّ تاني مش حايحصل طيب … ده انا من فلورنسا !!!

النصيحة الثالثة : لا تكثر من الظهور في التلفاز

“سيسي” يكاد يبكي ويقول : ليه بس؟ هو انا زعلتك في حاجة؟ دي أحلى حاجة في الحكم !
“ميكافيللي” : لا حول ولا قوة إلا بالله العلي العظيم … يا جنرال افهم … انت لا تحسن الخطابة، ولا حتى الكلام العادي، والكاميرا لا تحبك، وكلما ظهرت تتحدث في أمور تظهر حقيقة ضعفك وتهافتك وتفاهتك، بإمكانك أن تظهر يوميا على التلفاز إنه ملكك … ولكن ذلك يضرك … أنا أقدم لك المشورة … وأنت حر !

“سيسي” : طب والنبي شوف لي حل في الموضوع ده … أنا ما اقدرش على الموضوع ده !
“ميكافيللي” : طيب … هناك حل

“سيسي” : لافيني بيه انا في عرضك

“ميكافيللي” : اظهر … ولكن حين تتحدث لا ترتجل … اقرأ من الورقة فقط، وإياك أن تستطرد أو أن تستظرف

“سيسي” : طيب … حاحاول

“ميكافيللي” : النصيحة الرابعة :

حاول أن تقيم علاقات دولية طويلة المدى … جميع علاقاتك الدولية — باستثناء إسرائيل — محكوم عليها بالفشل على المدى الطويل.

“سيسي” : ازاي؟

“ميكافيللي” : يعني موضوع روسيا وإيران ده فاكس جدا يا جنرال !

عموما … لا زال بإمكانك أن تستعيد علاقاتك مع غالبية الدول الغربية … خصوصا لو تصرفت بذكاء في موضوع “ريجيني” … بالمناسبة … حد يعمل عملة زي دي؟ انا عمري ما شفت إجرام بالغباء ده الصراحة !!!

“سيسي” : يعني اعمل ايه في موضوع “ريجيني”؟

“ميكافيللي” : لا بد أن تسلمهم شخصية كبيرة في جهاز أمني كبير، وطبعا أضعف جهاز أمني هو وزارة الداخلية … أنا لو مكانك اسلمهم رتبة كبيرة في الداخلية.

“سيسي” : ولكن … كده اكون خسرت وزارة الداخلية تماما !

“ميكافيللي” : وفي نفس الوقت ستكون قد بدأت صفحة جديدة مع المجتمع الدولي كله … مكاسبك من هذا الموضوع أكبر من خسائرك الداخلية.

“سيسي” : هذه سابقة في تاريخنا المصري … صعب !

“ميكافيللي” : انت أبو “السوابق” كلها … (تيران وصنافير، رابعة وأخواتها، اتفاقية الغاز مع اليونان وقبرص، إزالة رفح من الوجود).

وقبل أن يستطرد يقاطعه “سيسي” : خلاص … انت حاتعد عليّ !

“ميكافيللي” : النصيحة الخامسة :

خف ع الناس شوية الله يكرمك … انت ايه؟ ما فيش في قلبك رحمة؟

يعني ايه كيلو العدس يبقى باربعين جنيه يا كافر؟؟؟

“سيسي” : شروط الصندوق … اعمل ايه؟؟؟

“ميكافيللي” : عموما … إذا استمر الضغط على الناس بهذا الشكل فتأكد أنك سوف تستخدم النصيحة الأولى في وقت قياسي.

“سيسي” : معلش … النصيحة الأولى اللي بتقول ايه؟

“ميكافيللي” : الهيلكوبتر يا جنرال !

“سيسي” : أيوه … افتكرت

“ميكافيللي” : النصيحة السادسة :

ممنوع القتل … لأي سبب !

لا بد حاليا من إظهارك كحاكم محترم في المجتمع الدولي، وهذا لا يمكن أن يحصل مع استمرار الضرب في المليان، والاختفاء القسري، ومصادرة الأموال، خصوصا أنك لست مضطرا لهذا الأمر حاليا.

“سيسي” : بالنسبة لخصومي السياسيين … أنا محتار اعمل معاهم ايه؟ تعبوني اوي !

“ميكافيللي” : غريبة … هذا الموضوع بالذات أنت من يمكن أن تعطي فيه محاضرات ونصائح !

لقد نجحت في تفتيت كتلة المعارضة التي ضدك بشكل غير مسبوق … المهم أن يستمر هذا الوضع لأطول فترة ممكنة … وهذا هو المتوقع لأن قيادات المعارضة عندك في غاية الغباء.

المهم أن لا يتحقق أي اصطفاف وطني ضدك من أي نوع.

“سيسي” : إزاي؟

“ميكافيللي” : بسيطة … استمر في تأجيج صراعات الماضي … وتأكد من استمرار أمرين … الأول شتم البرادعي من الإسلاميين كلما تحدث … والثاني : استمرار لجانك الإلكترونية في عملها في كل المناسبات الثورية (باعونا في محمد محمود … باعونا في رابعة والنهضة) وهكذا …

وتأكد أنه طالما ظل البرادعي ومن معه من التيار المدني بعيدا عن الإسلاميين، وطالما ظل الإخوان ومن معهم من الإسلاميين بعيدين عن البرادعي والتيار المدني … ستظل أنت في السلطة بدون أي خطر … وسيبقى كل ما عليك أن تراضي المجتمع الدولي، وأن ترمم علاقاتك الإقليمية … وهذه أمور لها ثمن ولكنك في النهاية لن تدفعه من جيب أبيك !

وبالمناسبة … أسهل طريقة لتوحيد المعارضة ضدك هي أن يتخلص الإسلاميون والليبراليون من قياداتهم التي شاخت والتي سيطرت عليها أجهزتك الأمنية ودرست خيالهم المحدود … إذا تغيرت قيادات المعارضة بقيادات شبابية أو إذا اتحد الثوار ضدك … فهذا أمر لا حل له إلا النصيحة الأولى !

“سيسي” : النصيحة الأولى اللي هي ايه؟

“ميكافيللي” : امشي من هنا يالا … يلعن أبو غباءك !

وهكذا … ينتهي اللقاء … أما لقاء “سيسي” مع “عبدالرحمن الكواكبي” فله حديث آخر إن شاء الله.

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